Fortune Doesn't Favor TF
by LadySpindle
Summary: Batchelor-maker Evelynn kicks Twisted Fate to the curb. Why would she do this? How could she! Will TF ever find true love? What's Graves' fave drink? Is Hecarim a brony? Why are Kat and Garen in Zaun together? Will the JOJ ever leave anyone alone? All this will be more or less answered within! Crack-fic, my derpy take on why Eve dumped TF. 2 shots.
1. Not Destiny

**So I gave up on doing a cover design for this and thought, whatever, this crackfic has waited long enough to see the light of day. **

I

_Not Destiny_

Evelynn gave Twisted Fate one last kiss before melting into the shadows.

For a minute or so, he could only gape stupidly at the place she'd disappeared. The break up had come out of nowhere – why would Evelynn dump him like this? In public to boot! Twisted Fate was one of the best looking, most sought after men in Valoran – did she even realize what she was giving up? (That being said, Evelynn happened to be a highly sought after and gorgeous as well.) It didn't exactly help that they were both a bit of a player…and it only crossed Twisted Fate's mind then why she was known as "the widow-maker" (dubbed "bachelor- maker" by the Journal of Justice, much to his chagrin). Perhaps being nemeses in the League had pushed them apart. The card master could not stand the lack of reasoning just as much as he couldn't stand the thought of Evelynn in the arms of another man. As such, Twisted Fate sprinted into the shadows after her.

It didn't' take long for him to figure out that finding his stealthy ex was next to impossible. He had about a one in one-thousand chance of searching for her after dark.

Twisted Fate was just about to throw in the towel and go lose himself in a stiff drink when he distinctly heard the lilting laugh of Evelynn. With new energy, he pursued the sound, bursting into a clearing.

The sight that met his eyes left him speechless.

There was Evelynn, laughing, and in the arms of none other than…

…Hecarim?!

Twisted Fate could only splutter unintelligibly, instantly drawing the happy pair's attention to him.

"I knew you'd come crawling back to me." She simpered.

Twisted Fate ignored the insult, seeing as he'd run the whole way. Fate opened his mouth to speak, but shut it instantly; knowing anything he said would just make him look jealous and desperate. instead he coldly stated: "I don't expect you to come back for tango lessons."

"Yes, I suppose that would be a bit of a damper on your pride," she smirked (as if the whole situation wasn't), "I will miss tangoing with you Fate…but I came to the conclusion I like men with legs, and Hecarim has four of them."

Twisted Fate spluttered as words failed to form. Hecarim, finding this hilarious, laughed throatily.

"You – you two love watching me suffer!" Fate accused.

Hecarim exchanged a glance with Evelynn and chuckled predictably, "Suffering is magic."

Without another word, he swept up Evelynn and the two galloped into the shadows. Fate collapsed to his knees and asked himself,

"What did I do to deserve this?"

**What DID TF do to deserve this? What happens next? Find out in the next installment of...**

**FORTUNE DOESN'T FAVOR TF!**

**(Which consequentially has nothing to do with Miss Fortune)**


	2. The Wrong Bar

**The second and final part~ **

II

_The Wrong Bar_

Twisted Fate drew runes around him and prepared to teleport. He wanted nothing more at the moment then to lose himself in some corrosive brew Gangplank had concocted.

The card master reappeared with a thud on the lap of an unsuspecting brute in Trogsworth's Tavern in Zaun. Twisted Fate's initial relief of reaching a haven quickly evaporated.

He knew this beard, this scowling mug and the overwhelming reek of whiskey. The unsuspecting person…

…was Graves.

The emotionally tormented Fate could only muster a weak, "Howdy Malcolm."

Graves, finally coming to his senses, growled, "You picked the wrong bar," His face transformed into rage. Twisted Fate thought quickly, slapping a yellow card to the outlaw's forehead. While Graves was momentarily stunned, Twisted Fate scrambled for the door. Unfortunately, in his distressed emotional state, the card didn't keep Graves still quite as long as he would have liked.

A smoke grenade clattered in front of him and Twisted Fate felt the unusual dismay of being caught.

He groped blindly for the door – the ambience of the bar ramping up as intoxicated inhabitants cheered the infamous duo's brawl. Twisted Fate leapt suddenly as a sharp sting ricochet off his buttocks. Two more stings followed.

"What?" He yelped, peppered by another wave of…BBs?

Grave's enraged voice battered over the din, "I'm not allowed to bring _real_ weapons into bars anymore. So I got _this_." He held up a cheap looking BB gun that Twisted Fate could barely scrutinize through the smoke.

"Seriously?" Fate groaned, voice going shrill (eliciting laughter from the patrons). The card master chucked a handful of red cards in their faces to shut them up. Unfortunately, the slowing effect of the cards had the opposite effect, igniting a full-fledged bar-brawl. Fate tried to sidle out in the chaos – but found himself caught once again as Graves grasped him by the collar, lifting him off the ground. Kicking feebly, Fate struggled to extricate himself.

Graves shoved the muzzle of his BB gun into Twisted Fate's face and growled, "Got any other bright ideas?"

Fate floundered, for once no saucy remark to be made. Graves dropped his gun and balled a fist, about to smash up Twisted Fate the ol' fashioned way.

"Hey!" A voice screeched, "Stop fighting idiots!"

"Yes! Halt, I say!" A robust voice bellowed almost simultaneously.

Graves paused mid-swing and all heads turned to see Garen and Katarina shoving through the rioting crowd. They marched up to Fate and Graves, reeking of authority.

"What the Hell is going on here?!" Kat demanded.

"Not yer business, little miss," Graves drawled.

"Put Twisted Fate down!" Garen commanded.

With a look of contempt, the outlaw dropped Twisted Fate. In an unceremonious heap, Fate commented, "Why are you two here?"

"We heard the commotion and came to break up the fight," Garen replied.

"You two are hanging out in Zaun? So, you're like, on a date?" Fate asked with faked innocence.

"We are not!" Katarina retorted too quickly.

"Sure," Twisted Fate snorted.

Katarina flushed angrily, but Garen restrained her before she too could pummel Fate.

"Enough," Garen boomed, "everyone return to your drinks. Twisted Fate, Graves, go your separate ways."

"Whatever," Graves grumbled and ordered himself an additional whiskey.

Garen and Katarina absconded quietly, before more outrageous rumors could spring forth.

Twisted Fate shuffled off, still in great need to drown his sorrows. He slogged down to a different bar, just as packed and noisy.

"Want to open a bar tab?" The tender asked after Fate listed off his desired beverages.

"You have no idea," he muttered and took a much needed swig.

A gossip-hungry Journal of Justice reporter found Twisted Fate about an hour later. He'd witnessed the break-up and had heard about the bar brawl – he was about to get the story of his career.

Surprisingly, Twisted Fate was fine for talking…as long as the reporter paid his bar tab.

Twisted Fate could only splutter a few indignant phrases regarding the break up – nothing remotely coherent. Finally, he attempted to describe the brawl – (or was he asking for the bathroom?), flatuated loudly, and passed out, keeled off the stool he sat upon, face mushed into the sticky bar floor.

One could suppose Fate was not taking the break-up well.

**And so another crackfic comes to its inglorious end. **


End file.
